Self-Confidence: What Is It And How Can I Get Some

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Self-Confidence: What Is It And How Can I Get Some

Author: Alan Densky | Total views: 74 | Word Count: 1134 | Category: Psychology | Date: Jul 18th 2007

Search for: hypnosis, hypnotherapy, hypnotism, NLP, confidence, self confidence, self-confidence, social phobia, self hypnosis, self-hypnosis

Confidence is an outlook that is conditioned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.

For example: A man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has built up proficient fighting skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an adversary that he knows his fighter can overpower. When his fighter beats the adversary, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of belief in his fighting skills.

With each competition, the manager puts his champion up against an adversary who is only a little bit better of a adversary then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young fighter begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to flourish. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter wins, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to flourish.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Having self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be successful at everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are practical. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

People, who are not self-confident, tend to lean excessively on the recognition of others in order to feel good about themselves. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.

On the other side of the coin, confident people are willing take a chance on disappointing others because they generally trust their own talents. They tend to believe in themselves; and they don't believe that they have to conform in order to be accepted.

Just because a person feels self-confidence in one or more aspects of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel confident in every part of their life. For example, a person might feel confident about their mathematical ability, but not feel confident where members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships.

HOW IS SELF-CONFIDENCE INITIALLY DEVELOPED

Various realities touch on the growth of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are revalent to the way children feel about themselves, particularly in their early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a great basis for self-esteem. If one or both parents are highly critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior.

However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence.

isn't necessarily related to a lack of ability. A lack of confidence is often the result of focusing totally on the unrealistic expectancy of other people, especially friends and parents. The domination of peers can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.

Beliefs That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence

In response to external influences, people develop beliefs; some of these are positive and some are negative. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: I always have to be successful at everything that I do. This assumption is totally unrealistic. In life, each person has her strengths and her weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don't know everything and you are not an expert at everything.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is totally unrealistic. All human beings are less than perfect. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially influenced by external influences when you were a very young child, as you mature, you can gain knowledge and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless because of your past.

HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize Your Strengths. Think about and give yourself credit for everything you can do. And give yourself acknowledgment for every new adventure that you are willing to try.

Take risks. Adopt the perspective of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can attempt something else.

Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a tool to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to be an expert at everything, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still improving.

Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and Hypnosis processes that are effective and will instill a tremendous amount of confidence from within your unconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to evaluate yourself as an individual. Circumvent the constant sense of chaos that comes from relying on other people's opinion.

Article Source: ArticleSoft.com

About the Author

Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner. His site offers hypnosis CD's for self confidence. His Self-confidence CD's were tested by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for Free self hypnosis & NLP newsletters and articles.

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Confidence is an outlook that is conditioned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence. 
 
For example: A man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has built up proficient fighting skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an adversary that he knows his fighter can overpower. When his fighter beats the adversary, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of belief in his fighting skills. 
 
With each competition, the manager puts his champion up against an adversary who is only a little bit better of a adversary then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young fighter begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to flourish. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter wins, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to flourish. 
 
If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 
 
Having self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be successful at everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are practical. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves. 
 
People, who are not self-confident, tend to lean excessively on the recognition of others in order to feel good about themselves. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive. 
 
On the other side of the coin, confident people are willing take a chance on disappointing others because they generally trust their own talents. They tend to believe in themselves; and they don't believe that they have to conform in order to be accepted. 
 
Just because a person feels self-confidence in one or more aspects of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel confident in every part of their life. For example, a person might feel confident about their mathematical ability, but not feel confident where members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships. 
 
HOW IS SELF-CONFIDENCE INITIALLY DEVELOPED 
 
Various realities touch on the growth of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are revalent to the way children feel about themselves, particularly in their early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a great basis for self-esteem. If one or both parents are highly critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. 
 
However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence. 
 
isn't necessarily related to a lack of ability. A lack of confidence is often the result of focusing totally on the unrealistic expectancy of other people, especially friends and parents. The domination of peers can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self. 
 
Beliefs That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence 
 
In response to external influences, people develop beliefs; some of these are positive and some are negative. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are: 
 
ASSUMPTION: I always have to be successful at everything that I do. This assumption is totally unrealistic. In life, each person has her strengths and her weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don't know everything and you are not an expert at everything. 
 
ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is totally unrealistic. All human beings are less than perfect. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others. 
 
ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present. 
 
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially influenced by external influences when you were a very young child, as you mature, you can gain knowledge and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless because of your past. 
 
HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE 
 
Emphasize Your Strengths. Think about and give yourself credit for everything you can do. And give yourself acknowledgment for every new adventure that you are willing to try. 
 
Take risks. Adopt the perspective of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can attempt something else. 
 
Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a tool to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to be an expert at everything, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still improving. 
 
Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and Hypnosis processes that are effective and will instill a tremendous amount of confidence from within your unconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence! 
 
Self-Evaluate: Learn to evaluate yourself as an individual. Circumvent the constant sense of chaos that comes from relying on other people's opinion. Article Source: <a href="http://www.articlesoft.com" target="_blank">ArticleSoft.com</a> About the Author: Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner. His site offers <a href="http://www.neuro-vision.us/Products/AudioConfidenceHypnosisTapes.htm">hypnosis CD's for self confidence.</a> His <a href="http://www.neuro-vision.us/Products/Self-Confidence-Hypnosis-CDs.htm">Self-confidence CD's were tested</a> by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for <a href="http://www.neuro-vision.us/">Free self hypnosis & NLP newsletters and articles</a>.

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