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Each individual faces his or her own unique circumstances in a marriage. So how to recognise if you are indeed in a bad marriage The definition of good or bad also differs from one person to another. Recent studies prove that most divorces these days are not, in particular, because of high-conflict or abusive marriages, but low-conflict and boring marriages. These divorces are neither beneficial to the individual opting out of marriage nor the children affected by the divorce. However, the best tool to rely on in such circumstances will always be your gut feeling. Your first and foremost task would be to honestly answer one simple question: Do you really want this marriage to work If the answer is yes, then let your spouse know about this feeling.

More often than not, in such times of trouble, the spouses are generally unaware of each others sentiments. Spelling it out clearly always helps in making your stand clear, and helps in understanding the expectations of your spouse. If you are unsure of the answer, chances are that deep inside, you are not ready to let go. Giving your marriage a second chance could be a worthwhile option because you will find happiness only when you work towards it. However, if the answer to the question is a strong negative, and you are in an abusive or threatening marriage, then no matter what the other factors are, you should call it quits. Abusive marriages, be it physical or verbal abuse, can be extremely detrimental to your as well as your childrens mental and physical well-being. Some of the counsellors also doubt the success of any kind of therapy in an abusive marriage. On the other hand, if that is not the case, then yes, your marriage may still have a ray of hope. We have listed down some pointers, which may help you in identifying your course of action.

• If you decide to leave this marriage, are you sure that you have tried your best to resolve the issues in the most logical manner It is important to know that you tried to resolve the issues in your marriage because only resolving the issues will give you a deeper insight to your partners side of the story. If not, then even if you get into a relationship after divorce, the past unresolved demons would start to reappear in your new relationship because you never really learnt to deal with the negative patterns in the first place. Have you tried couple counselling If no, then is your spouse ready to attend the counselling sessions with you It takes two to make a marriage work and if your partner is willing to work on your marriage, then keep your resentment and hurt aside, and give your marriage a chance.


• Research indicates that couples that stay in a troubled marriage might reap the rewards of patience in later years. A study was conducted on a group of couples who were stressed out and dissatisfied because of their marriage. Five years later, the same couples were tested again and the results showed that the couples who had ended up in a divorce were still dissatisfied in their post-divorce relationships. However, the couples who stayed together reported a much satisfying and happy married life. Remember that communication is the key to any relationship. Even fighting can be an effective form of communication, if you learn from each fight and learn to fight fair. Do not be ashamed to admit when you are wrong and do not give up while making your spouse understand your point of view. No one said that marriage was going to be easy, and if you think that divorce will be, think again.


• Some of the new findings now show that children are actually worse off if their parents divorce. Children have tough time coping with peer pressure, have lower chances of successful future relationships, and have trouble achieving success in school. However, this is not true of physically violent or high-conflict marriages. In that case, children are better off without their parents. While you as a parent might or might not feel devastated by a divorce, your children will definitely be shattered because parents are a central and integral part of a childs life. Children view divorce as a threat to their security and are often terrified of the aftermath of the divorce. Consequently, they become more vulnerable to mental or physical illness after a divorce.

Article Source: ArticleSoft.com

About the Author

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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